The thing about falling

I actually thought that I have fear of heights… but I guess what I fear is not how up high I was on thin air, but instead the thought about falling – worse undead.

Two years ago, I saw a very peculiar ladder placed beside this huge tree. From a far, I can’t help but to notice it. First, it was very tall and high, it will surely catch your eye. As I wonder about it or much off how it got there, I found myself moving closer and closer, my feet not noticing the tiny steps I was taking towards it. It was very odd. I reached out my hand to feel if it was real, and behold it was! It was solid. It was metal. It was cold and heavy. I can’t move it even a bit.

I stared at it for quite sometime, pondering on what I should do now that it was already there. And then I thought, “It’s a ladder right? Then I should climb it.” I was scared, I was afraid of heights my knees started to shake and my hands turned cold as ice with my heart pumping mad. I held on to it so tight my hands hurt but I grasped to it even tighter. But despite my fear, I decided to go up without anything but my subtle hands and curiosity of what awaits me up there.

But when I was just a step away from the top… with my body hanging on thin air and my hands holding tight to the strange stairs, I tripped…. I fell… but instead of hitting the ground… it was like a never ending fall… I guess I went to high.

In a state of perplexity

Things are going wild as of this moment. A lot of things went by so fast I didn’t catch even the slightest glimpse. I am confused, I really don’t know what happened… Now things have gone worse… no, worst. And I don’t know what will happen next… and the truth is, I don’t want to think about it anymore. *sigh*

Four Corners

the cube

It’s a wooden cube, but technically it’s not a rubix cube either…

see what I mean?

The mechanics is simple: Once you disassemble it, you should put it back together.

When I first saw this, I had no options other than to buy it. Honestly, my mind was going crazy when the saleslady handed it to me. I think it was really cool! haha But when I started to remove the plastic wrap all around it and the pieces started to get loose… the problem is, I found myself dumbfounded on how I’m supposed to fix it! LOL I was confused. >.<

Every twist and turn I tried and tried to make it look as the same wooden cube, but I think I ended up with all sorts of stuff that you can make out of it. I was very imaginative, I think I have made a car… a rock… and even an elephant… just trying everything I can, hoping somehow by chance it will end up with a cube. But sadly, I think I have made all sorts of stuff you can make out of it,

except….

except…

for a cube.

And then, I lost my last strand of patience, I almost threw it out the car window! Obviously, I was pissed. LOL

Though what is hilarious about it is, after a minute or two of rage, I just can’t find the strength to just let that stupid wooden cube stay as an obstacle to my poor neurons. I thought I just had to do it. And so I gathered all the patience I have in me and tried to learn how to fix it, starting again and again and again.

Whenever I would make a wrong turn with a piece or two, it was really frustrating, but my grip to it grew stronger and stronger each time I fail. I don’t give up – I never give up. I was interested, I wanted to know.

Surprisingly, and not miraculously, after an hour or two, I had figure it all out. With a snap of a finger, I can disassemble it then put it back together! I was happy when I had every piece landing on the right place, I was extremely happy! LOL

I think saying that just made me the weirdest human in this planet, but honestly I did felt a euphoric satisfaction… it was like I have solved the biggest mystery in the world! And then… and then… after the peak of my adrenaline, it all turned gray.

Now that I have figured out what lies hidden in its four corners, there is no mystery left for me to solve.

Now, it is nothing new.

Because I have encountered all the twists and turns you can make out of it, the satisfaction of fixing it over and over whenever it gets loose or tangled was not that ecstatic at all. Now, it is just a wooden cube. No matter how I want to be imaginative with it, wanting to make a car, a rock or an elephant… or whatever I can make out of it, I will always end up with a cube. And no matter how hard I try, it will always be the same old cube.

And then I thought, perhaps… it is just what it’s supposed to be.

the cube again

What about today?

Often times I find myself getting worried about tomorrow when today is what is important.

When you find yourself troublesome of what will be, slow down just for a moment or two, then think about what you need to do today.

The future will always be hidden, but the path towards it lies on what you do with your today.

Just Ok.

On this day of your life, Pia, we believe God wants you to know … that it’s OK.

Just rest for a moment. It’s OK. Yes, things are crazy, yes, the world is going nuts. Yet, deep underneath the stormy waves, there, in the core of your being, there is pure silence, pure love. And … it’s … just … OK.

“And I know just why you could not come along with me, cause this was not your dream, but you’ve always believed in me.”

I’m leaving home today. Back to living in the small city. Be safe everyone.

Hello 2010!

PM: “How does it feel that 2009 is going to end?”

Piapot: (took a deep breath and held it for a second or two, grit my teeth, swallowed, and then looked up to prevent my eyes from becoming a waterfall)  “2009 was the freaking hardest year I have ever had in my 18 years of living in this heaven or hell called earth.”

If there’s got to be one thing I will never ever forget about 2009, it will be no other than the pain I have endured and felt until it hurt so much my body refuse to feel anything anymore. With all honesty, I really thought I was already OK, but I guess I still have to work on it, and it will definitely take a lot of time for me to heal.

Still, for everything I am grateful. And there a lot for me to say…

For the people I have lost and have gained, thank you.

For the people who have loved me, and wanted to love me without hesitations, thank you.

For the people I love, I loved, and wanted to love, thank you.

For the people who stood by me when everything was falling apart, thank you.

For the people who have kept me sane when I am fighting with insanity, thank you.

For the people who have believed in me when I am continuously doubting myself, thank you.

For the people who tried and made me smile when tears just kept on going, thank you.

For the people I have caused pain, I am sincerely sorry.

For the people who have caused me pain, I forgive you.

For the things I have lost, I lift you up to the heavens.

For the battles I have lost, may I learn from my mistakes.

For all the people who are continuously and consistently helping me pick up and glue all of my pieces together, thank you.

And above all, for the good Lord who blesses me with the gift of life until now, giving this neurotic brain of mine a chance to live thank you.

Forever I will be in debt of your kindness.

2009 was the hardest year in my 18 years of living, but as PM put it, I am still alive, and that is one thing I really have to be thankful. From all the hardships I have encountered for the past year, there are still a hand-full of good memories that I will keep for eternity. May it sharpen me until all of my edges are well sharpened.

May we all be blessed. May we all cherish the blessings of life. May we all walk the same path again. And for the people I have lost, and have gone different paths along the way, may crossroads bring us back together.

Happy new year to everybody! Good health, love, success and happiness, these are my prayers for all of you.

May 2010 be the best year of our lives!

Not Goodye, Just See You Soon

Piapot’s heart is kinda broken.

Today, my nephew LJ, 9 and my niece Gabby, 7, are on their way back to Jersey. Last night, we went to visit them in Angeles for our despidida party. As a Filipino, I really didn’t like despidida parties, for with all honesty it always breaks my heart to see someone go or leave. The whole night, both the kids kept on playing with me and my sisters until we are all tired from shouting and laughing and rolling over the floor, hugging and having fun, making every moment last like a whole day. I kept a smile painted on my face all the time. But as i watch cousin Ate Sheila packing their stuffs and the kids already tired and sleepy, I know that the end of the day is coming. But still a smile is glued on my face as i cuddled and carried the two adorable kids on my back until it hurt so much that I did not even noticed.

But when it was about our time to go back home, I found LJ seriously slouched in a chair using one of PM’s phones – texting… I was wondering who he was texting until my phone started to beep…

LJ in PM’s phone:  “hi, we don’t want to go tomorrow :c” – LJ

Piapot: “Aww… but you have to go. Don’t worry we will see each other again when you come back, or maybe we will even go to your place for a visit. “

LJ in Pm’s phone: “I will miss you :c you text back love you_lj”

Piapot: “We will all miss you here. Just remember that all of your titas and titos and lolas and lolos here love you and your sister so much. Don’t be sad little boy. “

And then he smiled. Then, we all gave LJ and Gab our final hugs and kisses. Still, a smile was painted on my face, but I can’t help it to fight back and hold my tears from gently flowing down my chubby cheeks as we drove away and looking back saw LJ and Gab running.

Piapot, LJ and Gabby goofin around at Kuya Allan's wedding

We will miss you guys so much. And we love you. It’s not goodbye anyway, it’s just see you soon.

Vampire

“You love his blood that is why…”

The Fray – Never Say Never

There’s some things we don’t talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
Together all the while

You can never say never
Why we don’t know when
Time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don’t let me go
Don’t let me go
Don’t let me go
[X2]

Picture you’re the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
Steady your hand

You can never say never
Why we don’t know when
Time, time and time again
Younger now then we were before

Don’t let me go
Don’t let me go
Don’t let me go
[X2]

We’re pulling apart and coming together again and again
We’re growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again

Don’t let me go
Don’t let me go
Don’t let me go
[X4]

Meet the Relatives

This year, the holiday season got extra special. Christmas has always been the time to celebrate family and life, but I bet this year is going to be the best ever.

Mother Goose’s side of the family is really neat, actually it’s really awesome! Everybody is so close to each other despite the distance (most of my aunts and uncles stay in the US and Canada), but the tie has never been broken between them. And for this holiday season, they are all here. And what makes it even better, Ate Shiela, my cousin, has come along with them, together with her family, Kuya Lad, her husband, and my two great nephew and niece, LJ and Gabriella.

This is the rabbit, oh I mean Gabby.

And this one is LJ in his Lolo Chief and Lola Fe's hanging bridge.

They were both great. It’s actually their first time in the Philippines, and touring them around and showing them everything Filipino was really fun. My mom always tell me that I talk a lot when I was kid, well I bet it’s in my genes, because LJ and Gab never runs out of stories and questions.

We’ve also visited Don Domeng’s Beach Resort:

neat huh?

Fresh Buko Juice anyone?

LOL. I am having lots of fun with these kids. I just hope they too are enjoying themselves and their stay here in the Philippines. I really am sorry to say this, but this is the pictures for now. I’ll show you the rest of our trip once I get back. I have to bury myself first to my Medical-Surgical Notes for a while, I haven’t attended my classes recently, so I have a lot of catching up to do! Phew! hahaha until then!

Obsessing Over Nothing

I honestly don’t know why I can’t decide. To think, I have always hated it when other people would give me nothing for an answer or worse – maybe. But now, I think I know what it feels like to be torn between a yes as a YES and a no that is a NO. Tsk. Tsk. Pain reliever anyone?