2011 is Our Year of Reaping!

Oh 2010, you’ve flown so fast, and today, I only have one day left before you come to a close.

Indeed I have learned a lot of things within your swift passing, from that alone I believe I have so much to thank for.

Not every experience I have gone through you may have been filled with happiness, smiles and rejoicing, but I know they were all good. Besides, how many people experience life in all of its aspects and realize how big or small this world really is at the age of nineteen and have time to realize it? I guess there is not so much people like me out there, or perhaps I could be wrong. Who can really tell right? haha πŸ™‚

But of course, not all of them have been filled with sadness and despair, but I must admit you have been quite a challenge for me to surpass, at some point I nearly know what I was doing anymore, but thank God here I am still.

I want to thank you for showing me that life is not just what we think of it. If we place it inside our own perfect, fragile little boxes, just like what I did, it has narrowed my vision of what there really is, and was only able to see what I wanted to see, what I wanted to believe, what I wanted to be real, but of course I was wrong.

Nevertheless, I am so thankful for giving me the chance to be able to brake free from my belief that life doesn’t hurt, because at some point it will hurt you, and looking at that alone would place you nowhere and leave you torn apart, depressed and all, but that is not the end that we should focus on because it’s just a phase we all have to go through for us to become a better person, stronger, and even wiser, putting in some more wisdom than we usually have. And with that I will always be grateful.

I want to thank you for making me realize that people change and that some we can keep, some we have to let go off. Thank you for the people I’ve met, and for those that I get to keep.

Thank you for making me realize that real friendship is not about how long you’ve known each other, or how much time you spend together. Friendship goes beyond that, beyond time, beyond distance and even beyond stupidity and foolishness. Because those who are true will always remain even if you’ve gone crazy. πŸ™‚

Thank you for showing me how family is one thing you will never lose and that it is not closed to having a same bloodline. It’s a bond, a bond built from that unshaken trust, love, and everything that goes with it. And this kind of love you have in a family, it will never fade, never tarnish, even if you can be the most horrible person in the world believe me.

Thank you for showing me that we are the ones in control of our lives, we make the decisions for ourselves, but God will always be the one who will get you to your destination, that greener pasture, for without Him, everything is just useless, we just have to have faith.

Thank you for the blessings of everyday that has gone by. I have never realized how much of a blessing this life is.

Thank you for all the challenges you’ve thrown on my face, I have learned how to stand up when I stumble.

Thank you for making me a better person, I will continue to work on that everyday.

Thank you for the life, the second chances, the endings and the new beginnings.

2010 is just hours from departing, and it was one hell of a ride for me and I hope it was for you too. πŸ™‚

Now, if I prayed “may this be the best year of my life, Lord” for 2010, now, I pray “Lord, I pray for guidance that I will make every year the best year of my life and also the best for the people in my life – or maybe even the ‘best-est’! πŸ™‚ Am I asking for too much? I guess not, God knows no too much a dear friend always says.

Happy New Year Everyone! This is our year of Reaping! πŸ™‚

*I hope you enjoy this video. πŸ™‚

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Seasons Greetings!

My heart is filled with so much love and appreciation this Christmas. I have never felt so much loved and cared for, so this one is really special.

First, I would like to greet everybody a Merry Christmas! I wish you all the love and happiness God will gladly bestow upon you. Let us all be thankful for every blessing we receive day in and day out, above all is the gift of life we are all enjoying, the joys and pains in each and every surprise along the way.

When PM asked me if I have posted a Christmas blog, I actually remembered I haven’t and I think this is just the right time for it. I would also like to thank her for my brand new Jansport backpack that I actually included on my All I Want For Christmas post! I certainly loved it!

To all those who have made my life and this Christmas complete, I will forever be in debt.

To my Mother Goose and Don Domeng, thank you for all the love and patience.

To my lovely sisters, thank you for the friendship and support at all times.

To my friends, thank you for remaining true even if I could count you all with my two hands.

To my swap partner Jeanny, thank you very much for the wonderful gifts! I’ll post them here once I found my connector. Promise.

To everyone who has made my life as fruitful and meaningful, my deepest gratitude and love for each and everyone of you.

Merry Christmas everybody! πŸ™‚

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Second Chances

I have been thinking lately about the days that have gone. With everything happening in my life for the past months that have challenged my being up to its limit, I have never realized that the year 2010 is just a few days away from being part of history. And just like cherry blossoms, I marvel the swift passing of its one of a kind beauty.

I remembered what I prayed for the night of New Year’s Eve. I remembered how my eyes were filled with tears as my family gathered around our dining table to say our grace and I was the one leading. I will never forget how tears rolled down silently on my cheeks when I uttered the words “may this year be the best year of our lives,” and God was so generous to guide us towards the right path.

I am not saying we haven’t gone through a lot. For one I have encountered the worst events of my life one after the other within this year, yet I have learned to be grateful. I have lost people whom I cherished, yet I have learned to let go and found real ones. I have found myself so beaten, yet I have learned how to watch my own back. I have lost my fantasies about life, yet I have seen perfection in reality by living in its imperfections.

2009 was harsh. 2010 made things better. With these, there are far more better things to come with the blessings of 2011.

Oh life is just so amazing. πŸ™‚

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Alaala

 

Binabagtas niya ang daang mabato… liko-liko… magulo…

Ninais niyang huminto…

Pansamantalang itigil ang mga binting namimintig sa paglalakbay…

Ngunit sa naising mamahinga… ang mga paa’y kusang lumalakad…

Patungo sa daang walang nakakaalam…

Pilit pinipigilan ang pag-usad…

Ang bawat hakbang ay nagbibigay ng hinanakit sa buong katawan…

Ngunit patuloy nitong binabagtas ang daan tungo sa kawalan…

Unti-unti…

Dahan-dahan…

Palayo…

Isang paalam.

* * *

I was on my way home… silence was my only music… and these words just came rushing in.

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All I Want for Christmas

Wow. I never really thought that someday I’ll open this blog again, but PM was just so nice to inform me about the swap. Frankly she told me that why don’t I and my ‘dead’ blog join her swap… well, why not? i think it is also a good way for me start all over again.

To all who joined the contest, I am just as excited as you all are! So here it goes! To my partner, I hope our swaps can make our day! Β πŸ™‚

Something small: A personalized keychain.

Something big: A big backpack that would fit all of stuff! (I really need a bigger one)

Something cute: A puppy. I just can’t resist those puppy dog eyes. But i love cats too!

Something soft: A comfy pillow.

Something techie: Earphones!

Something fancy: A new laptop.

Something yellow (my favorite color): Yellow roses.

Something wearable: A watch.

Something you need: Two more pairs of hands and an extension of my brain, or a pen or a USB.

Something you can use for work: A pen, USB.

Something sweet: Chocolates!

All I Want For Christmas: Is a new Jansport Backpack. Yeah.

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A Work of Love

Yesterday wasn’t really the best of days… it was cold and wet, but still it made my day so perfect because of this…

I wasn’t expecting any gifts, yet I was given this super cute paper bag… and inside I found…

A container of homemade cookies by Agnes! Oh I love cookies! πŸ™‚

Thank you so much Agnes! It really brightened my day! πŸ™‚

Nothing can really ever replace the feeling of happiness when you receive something that is from a labor of love. Thank you so much! mwaks! Β πŸ™‚

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Black ang White

When you want to lighten your thoughts… try blowing off some bubbles… let them carry your inner most thoughts… encapsulated in that one fragile circle… and watch it dance with the whispers of the wind.

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The First Heart Ache

The thing about love… it consumes you… all of you.

I really have never been used to getting hurt emotionally, I ‘was’ the strong one, the best support system you could ever find, but with the past few months – I needed my own, literally.

There are just things we learn and learn the hard way when we refuse to accept the realities of life, things we can’t let go off, things we curse, things we hide, things we wish we could have done and a lot more. And in my case, it was my obsessive compulsive behavior that has been hitting me hard. I have been used to always having it my way, and at some sort, ends in like a routine that I do everyday – and it is very hard for me to change, well not until now.

I remember how I try to avoid seeing friends and family when I can’t hold back my tears. I am not used to cryingΒ in frontΒ of other people, even my family. Often times I just let those heart-stabbing little drops of tears fall silently whenever I am alone. But this one was really the first heart ache I can’t hide. Among all things I know how to do, fixing a severely battered heart was not one of them. And I needed someone.

PM, for those who actually have no idea, is my eldest sister, and the one who comforted me all the way through. When it was her tough years, I have been there for her, and now she’s here for me. And because I know her personally, it wasn’t easy for her to be here for me. She wasn’t used to seeing me crying, or depressed, or sobbing, or just simply in silence. She was even trying to evade me whenever tears start to roll down my cheeks. She can’t stand the sight of this part of me. I was always the sunshine in every dark cloud, but that time, my pockets are all out of sunshine.

But I’m doing better now. I guess. Thanks to my blood’s clotting factors, the wounds are now healing, bit by bit. I have now accepted the fact that love isn’t about owning, nor about a feeling of happiness or pain, but simply the sum of all our choices.

Love consumes all of us… but whenever it is time to let go, refuting fate would be the biggest pain you’ll battle.

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Fresh Start

I’ve been to a lot, and heck I mean a lot. Time flies so fast I actually didn’t notice how long I have been wallowing on things that I have lost – all because I wasn’t ready to let go.

I don’t really know, I have learned a couple of things about myself that I never really thought would be a part of me, or, well… exactly me.

I don’t want to be specific anymore and get into every detail of what actually happened, that would seem to take forever, let’s just say that with all of that – I have learned.

I am actually the kind of person who bursts into laughter more often than I speak. I love to laugh. I love to smile. But time was so unexpected I found myself spending most of my time with my earphones plugged tightly on both ears not actually paying attention to my track list but just enjoying the fact of pure nothingness. For quite sometime I have submerged myself in silence, just pure silence without anything else. I don’t want to talk or neither listen. I just wanted to be with myself and sort things out without anybody else’s opinion… and I guess I have.

I actually thought that I have fast coping capabilities. It was easy for me to make decisions, if it’s a yes, then a Yes it is, if it’s a no, well then it would be a No. But then, how amazing can life be to actually test my decision making capabilities till the moment I saw myself standing still for more than four months or so – undecided.

Well.. it’s a fresh start for me. Enough of all that. For all the things that changed, i still want to keep the old me. I guess change can be good, there are just things we can’t keep, but there are things that will still remain… even if they are as good as memories. πŸ™‚

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I’m back!

It’s been a hell of months since I came back. Though, it’s about time to write something here again. I have missed my old self. And I missed my blog too! πŸ™‚

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