Ms. Little Ray of Sunshine

Forgive me if I’ve been gone for a long time. I’ve been busy doing a lot of stuffs that got piled up, even taller than my 5’3″ frame. And to tell you honestly, what made these stuffs even harder for me to do is because I’ve been depressed – depressed because it seemed that i can’t do anything right.

And so my blog was in hiatus, it actually made me stress a lot more because i can’t think of something to write, my work, my thoughts, my brain, everything was in complete blank. But today, I’m tired of being in this phase. If there are things that i have to, might as well get it over with right?

What made me hanging there really is a blur. But one thing is for sure, the stress that I’m feeling really kills me. I think i totally mastered the art of stressing myself! And it definitely, totally, absolutely sucks! I hate it when people expect me to be the person they want me to be, and i can’t do it. No matter how much i try to do everything i can, i totally felt that I’m just messing things up. No, I’m not trying to please them, nor was i doing it because they expect me to do so, but because i too really want it myself, and what made me depressed is that it seemed as though i can’t. And what made me hate myself in this stressful moments is that i kept on doubting my own abilities. Always asking myself if i can do this and that? If i can be the person they expect me too? if i can do better? the ifs that even makes it harder. Suddenly, the little ms. ray of sunshine that i know turned out to be in a calamity situation. I was stressing so hard that i don’t even know what i can do and can’t, that left me doing nothing to help.

I know that there are things i can’t do, things that i actually suck, things that i totally mess up, but there are things that i can still do right? Maybe what made feel so small in this instant is that i looked at myself that way. What made me doubt myself is that i never believed that i can. But this time, no more. A lot of high hopes are waiting for me, I’m not the greatest writer, or the greatest student for now, but I will be. I’m never giving up on my abilities, on myself. I’m never going to doubt what i can do. Because all this time that i’ve been doing so, i found myself shattered. But today, I’m starting to pick up the pieces.

I’m struggling to win, and it’s harder than what i have imagined. But when you love something real bad, that’s when you feel pain and keep on going to surpass. I missed my blog, I missed myself, and here i am again, still coming back.

Ms. little ray of sunshine is waiting to get back on track. It was raining for weeks in my life, but at least, i found my pockets full of light.

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About piapot

I am the author. Neurotic sister is a being who likes expressing herself and challenging herself up to her limits! she wants to conquer her own fears and works hard to get what she wants and what she deserves.
This entry was posted in neurotic me and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Ms. Little Ray of Sunshine

  1. jen says:

    don’t worry girl… u’re just being human… u’re not alone! i’m experiencing the same too… i am wondering if am experiencing this so-called ‘midlife crisis’ hehehe! (but, i’m just too young for a midlife crisis and too old for quarterlife crisis, as well)!
    lately, i’m just not feeling okay… i feel distorted… i’ve been telling God that i don’t seem to understand what’s happening to me… i sometimes blame it to the hormones…hehehe! anyway, girl the point is… YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

    take care always… we’ll both wait for little ms. sunshine to get back! : )

  2. abou says:

    we mess u piapot.

    life maybe a mess but hey who’s life isnt? if life is perfect then what’s the use of living…

  3. soulsheik says:

    Hi.

    De-stressing tips:

    -Tea, iced-tea (less sugar), tea with milk, lemon tea, calamansi tea

    -Sleep early preferably before 10 (If you can’t, drink milk at 9 and pick up a good book)

    -Jog or exercise in the morning sun.

    -Open the windows and let the sunshine in (allow more light into your room)

    I do get depressed more often than the usual, so I need to exert more effort in everything I do.

    Good Luck.

  4. piapot says:

    Jen,
    hi there… yeah, maybe it’s because of these damn hormones! haha anyway, i’m feeling a lot better now!:-)

  5. piapot says:

    abou,
    i miss you all too! a lot!:-)

    and you are definitely right on that! thanks!

  6. piapot says:

    Soulsheik,
    first, i do love iced tea but it’s caffeinated.
    second,i have insomnia when i get stressed.
    third, my tummy hates milk it kills me most of the times (minsan natsatsambahan ko di sumasakit!):-)
    fourth, the time i’ll be spending in exercise is left for rest and sleep if it allows me too.
    fifth, sunshine makes me feel better, you’re right on that!:-)

    hahaha but now i’m feeling better anyway… thanks!:-)

  7. bw says:

    glad you’re back ! Hey, just take it easy , a day at time.

    Talking about stress, I work for a large American financial institution and the world famous news about Lehman Brothers, another large U.S. investment bank going bankrupt put all of us at the edge of our seats 😦

    Hope you are feeling much better πŸ™‚

  8. piapot says:

    bw,
    yes sir! haha

    i’ll pray for your financial institution to be stable… God has his plans for everything! πŸ™‚

    and, i am feeling a lot better now, thanks! πŸ™‚

  9. Panaderos says:

    We all go through such moments of despair and depression. I’ve had my share of them too. Don’t worry, my friend. Don’t lose sight of the things that matter to you. You are your own person. No one can take that away from you.

    Take it easy. We’re here to support you. πŸ™‚

  10. piapot says:

    Panaderos,
    oh you speak like my best bud – the priest that is… he’s been busy lately… though, i really appreciate it a lot! thank you very much! πŸ™‚

  11. mama jasmin says:

    Depressed? I came across that word for the first time dito sa US. Marami kasi “depressed” dito. Marami ang disfunctional families and people are too busy to care for anyone, sad to say.
    When you feel down and don’t feel like doing anything, don’t push yourself but try to do relaxing things like just listening to good music, reading a book you like or just lying down. You deserve times like that or play with your Mama’s dogs or Jin, the cat—-you will be surprise — they are good therapy.
    One more thing- chamomile tea is good for the stomach and also has good calming effect. i love to take it at night before going to sleep. Know you are Loved.

  12. piapot says:

    mama jasmin!

    We miss you a lot here! hahaha not so much depressed then… just stressed out from tons of work to do…

    hahaha i’ll do that… thanks for the tip… and i think it’s quite hard to find chamomile tea here in the Philippines… hahaha

    and thank you for making me feel i’m always loved… πŸ™‚

    miss you po!

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